Twelve Thousand Dollars

Today I got a gift. A twelve thousand dollar gift. What did I get? I would have loved a car. I would love to have my student loans paid off. I would even go for cash. What did I get? I got an AquaMax 4000! If I don't say what it does it would probably sound much cooler, so I will leave you with that. Oh, and it's for my job. I would rather have Neogen give me a car though...even if this saves me time at work occasionally.

Box of Chocolates

My boss got me a box of chocolates for Christmas. Hershey's Pot of Gold, to be exact. That night I drove to Lowell to celebrate Christmas with my family. I opened the chocolates when I got home and counted 12 of them. Two of each kind. I let my parents and brothers have one each, and I had the rest. I wanted at least one of each... Then I put the box back with my stuff, I don't know why. I should have just thrown it away. Good thing I didn't throw it away because I was cleaning up some stuff this weekend and I found that box. It seemed a little on the heavy side, so I peeked under the piece of cardboard only to find another 12 delicious chocolates! I was so delighted to find them.

I was going to title this post with that famous Tom Hanks quote from Forrest Gump. You know the one...Then I realized life is not a box of Hershey's Pot of Gold chocolates. In the Pot of Gold life, you always know what you're going to get. Hershey has taken the guesswork out of life. What an idea!

New Experiences

I know I'm lame, but yesterday I had a new experience. Valvoline Instant Oil Change. Yesterday was my first time going to one of those quickie places. Last time I got it done at the shop because I had to get some other work done on it, and before that my brother did it. It was an interesting experience. I stayed in the car and they did their job and then let me know I may need a new battery soon, which I kinda knew from the way my car has been starting. Then I drove away. The best part of it was the Speedy Rewards I got. 1000 points for an oil change, sweet deal! I just recently became a participant in the Speedy Rewards program. The two most convenient (and only) stations between my house and work are Speedways, so I figured I better get all I can from them... anyways, my car seems happier now, aside from the extensive rear end and muffler damage... now I just need to go to Discount Tire soon and get two new tires put on. Then I will be all set.

I like it when I make food and upon being tasted by other people I am asked if I had a recipe. HaHa what's a recipe? Basicly I made lasagna without the lasagna noodles. I used whole wheat penne because that, and elbow macaroni, is all I have on hand at the moment since I refuse to go shopping. I made a basic pasta sauce. A very simple one. I had about a half pound of ground beef leftover in the freezer that I browned up. Add some water and a couple long squirts of tomato paste and a can of tomato sauce. Then some spices. Pretty much all I had in the cupboard except pumpkin pie spice. Well, not really... And you gotta have the ricotta. I figured a half a tub would be good, so I added an egg and some parmesan. Not the grated stuff, the shredded. Some salt and more cheese. Never can have too much cheese if you ask me. And then the simple layering process begins. Mix the pasta in with the sauce. I probably cooked up 1/3 of the box of penne. Put half in pan. I used a glass pan maybe 6X8 or something close to it. Cover with all of ricotta and some more shredded mozarella cheese. then pour on the rest of the pasta and sauce. Cover with an unhealthy dose of cheese and bake. 350 F is always safe, but don't ask me how long I cooked if for...I changed tv channels in the middle, so I forget how long it was in there, but basicly you want the eggs to cook in the ricotta and the cheese on top to be deliciously melted. If it doesn't taste good, spice it up a little...or add more cheese. Recipe works well with sausage or no meat at all. It lacks flavor and heartiness without meat, but sometimes you just don't have it on hand... as for the tomato sauce, everyone should always have this in their pantry. It's a very versatile ingredient. It goes with everything. You could make enchiladas, lasagne, chili, goulash and basicly anything with pasta, meat or veggies... just add things you think would taste good then add some spice. Add some molasses and liquid smoke for a barbeque type sauce. Anything goes. I just don't recomment fruit.

Tomorrow is Friday, and for that I am grateful. The week went by faster than I thought. And I have some amazing leftovers for lunch tomorrow!

Policies

Neogen has a safety glasses policy. The policy is that when you are in the lab you need to wear safety glasses. Now, these could be those lab goggles required for chem labs, safety glasses you would wear in a manufacturing environment, or plain old prescription eyeglasses. Some people have it lucky and can just wear their glasses as they normally do, so the policy doesn't really apply to them. I would go get some, but I don't have vision insurance... It's the one thing Neogen doesn't provide ironicly. So, I'm stuck wearing safety glasses 8 hours a day. Now, there are penalties for not wearing the glasses including forced time off work (sounds good to me) and something in your permanent record.

Today, I put my eyes at jeopardy. My eyes were vulnerable to all conditions in that lab for eight hours. I decided not to wear my safety glasses. It was a fun day. I didn't get those red marks on my nose, and I didn't have to forget to take them off and look stupid while I'm eating lunch.

No one said anything about me not wearing glasses at all that day, and I gained a sense of pride. It was a good day.

All You Need Is Love?

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I'm not too sure. My question is, how do I love? It's not something you can teach, it's something you have to figure out for yourself. Everybody loves a little different. It has always been hard for me to love people, even the people closest to me. Actually, especially the people closest to me. I guess it comes down to my lack of interest in learning how to love, not an inability to love. Maybe I am loving and don't realize it. Maybe showing love and actually loving are two different things. Sometimes I wish there were simple answers, maybe a way to gain a skill without having to go through that learning and practicing phase.

One of my dreams is to have a husband and kids one day. That requires love. You know when you ask God for something and he doesn't really say yes or no? It's more of a 'wait and see.' It's in those cases where you have to figure out why he said wait. Am I not ready for it? Is someone else not ready for it? What do I need to learn?

I need to learn how to love people. How would I be able to love a potential family if I can't even love the people I see most often right now? And maybe after all of that the 'wait' will turn into a 'no.' Maybe (and hopefully) a 'yes.'


And that is why I rarely say "I love you."

James the Temp

Neogen likes to hire temps. I get my own personal temp... and get to be in charge of this Temp. Somehow over the past 10 months I had forgotten what it was like to be a supervisor (I am by no means a supervisor right now). It was weird. I got to decide when he got to eat lunch and when he got to go on break. I also had to wait till 3:30 when he left to leave. I had intentions of leaving an hour or so early if I could...that didn't happen, sadly.

This is the problem with Neogen. They get behind in their work. They hire temps. They don't catch up. They hire more temps. Things start disappearing. They get rid of temps. They get more temps. and so on... If they are going to continually have temps, why don't they just hire someone permanently? Business is increasing, they won't have to let anyone go.

Another thing: I don't want a temp. I want someone with a little knowledge of working in a lab. Yes, I have a few tedious tasks that a four year old could do successfully, but If I need help, why not get a college student in here part time and let them get a little experience? When I started there was a girl, Hannah, who worked part time. She was a junior at msu, and wanted some lab experience. It ended up that work wouldn't fit into her class schedule and she left in January. She was all the help I needed at the time. She actually trained me...and that was after she had been their part time for three months... I just want someone to work with that I can trust to do more than the time consuming four year old tasks. I want someone who can make a buffer solution. Maybe just someone who could successfully follow instructions and use a scale.

But this is cheap ole Neogen we're talking about. It's not gonna happen.

Arrow Pride

Highschool football started all over the state tonight. I still like to go even though I don't know anyone on the team anymore. It's weird to think that it's been six years. Tonight I went to Davison with my parents. For all of you geographically challenged people, it's just east of Flint. I really had been missing my family, so I jumped at the opportunity to hang out with them. They offered to stop and pick me up on their way, so why not go? We stopped at Taco Bell on the way and got dinner for three people for seven dollars...amazing that Taco Bell is...not so amazing on the digestive system all the time though, but oh well.

So we watched the football game. It was pretty exciting. Davison scored first. No problem though...Lowell won 42-7. It was a relatively short game since they go to a running clock when one team is up by 35.

My mom told me that a lady down the road just died of cancer. Her daughter used to babysit us occasionally, and we always got awesome halloween candy from their house. Usually a whole candy bar or a bag full of fun sized ones. I got to thinking about how I'm at that age where that same sort of thing could happen to my friends parents, and even my own. I like to think at times that my parents are immune to death and disease. Ignorant, I know, but who wants to think of their parents dying. Over the years I have sort of gotten immune to death so to say. A good percentage of my highschool class has died in the last 9 years. A few i was really close to, and the others I can at least share a memory about. Maybe I will write more about that later. Really, I just don't want to deal with death, maybe because I don't know how to even though it has happened so often.

Searching For Happiness

I feel like I am on a scavenger hunt, a different kind of scavenger hunt. I’m not really looking for an object. Or am I?

I’m searching for happiness. I am searching for what gives me happiness. I know what used to give me happiness. It was people, but slowly God has been taking them away from me to show me that I should not be looking to people to make me happy. I should be looking for the ultimate source of joy in Jesus Christ my Savior.

So I guess I was searching for an object. I was searching for people who would in turn make me happy. When I think about it though, all people do is cause me have social anxiety problems. I don’t really like people, yet I desire the happiness I can get from being around them.

So what do I want? I want happiness. I want joy. I don’t want to keep on with this scavenger hunt. I should not be looking for people. I should be looking for God. I should be looking for God to bring me happiness, and maybe he would will it though people, who knows... I just don’t want to rely on myself anymore because all that does is give me a false sense of happiness. I want real happiness, the happiness that only can come from God. I guess that would be considered joy then. I want that joy.

My Plans

I have never been a planner. I never really knew what God wanted me to do for a career, let alone if I ever had any desires or plans for my own future. It just seems easier not to have any plans, and not to want to make them. I never worried that I would be without a job and living on the streets, but I never really pursued them either. I guess I always just kinda thought that God would just give that stuff to me without me doing anything. But why would he do that? How can I expect to be handed a job without applying to any, let alone have a resume prepared? I have to put forth some sort of effort in these cases. How can I let God lead me to the right job? Having applied to a bunch, and scoring just a single response and interview I have come to realize that I can make myself look as good as I can, but I have to rely on God for how I appear to them in person. I have to allow God to take control of my mouth, to take control of my actions. Is there anything I can do to change their mind in the time between the end of the interview and the final decision? I'm not sure, but allowing God to work seems like the best idea to me. I mean, if this job is God's plan, then it will happen. If I get more than one company wanting me then it becomes harder to make a decision. Where does God want me now and in the future? That would be a very hard decision to make on my own. If I don't get the job, then I know for sure that it's not what God wants me to do.

Right now I feel like I just need to have a job that would give me experience, and if at all possible some sort of insurance. It sounds weird, but I am not too worried about money at this point. I haven't figured out why yet. I have never been a spender of money (until this summer), and I never really desired to be rich. I don't need extraordinary things to make me happy. I just need enough to pay rent, survive, and pay off my loans. With that being said, I have never really had to worry about not having enough money to do those things until recently. Although, some of this is a deception I play on myself. I put most of my money out of my checking account and put it in savings. In the past, I just kept most of it in checking. When I check the balance on my account online, I just check checking because that is what I can directly use with my debit card. I was down to under a hundred dollars, and I felt poor. In reality I have more than I have had in awhile, I just don't realize it. I think it's a good thing.

Next month I am going to have to start paying off student loans, and I know that I will have even less money. This is pushing me even harder to find a job. I was lazy all summer. I didn't even have a resume prepared until 3 weeks ago when I applied to a ton of jobs. Where is my ambition? I know my priorities weren't straight over the summer, and partly it was because God wasn't my priority. I also feared imperfection in my resume, rejection because of qualification I didn't meet, and rejection based on my personality. Combine this with the fear of the actual interview itself, and I had enough fear not to even make a resume.

How I got to money and expenses from my incapability to plan my life, I have no idea. I just come to the conclusion that I suck at life, and without God I have nothing. Nothing to live for, and nothing to die for. I just need to trust God that I will do what he desires, and that I won't be lazy and think that he will just give me a future.

Food

A few years ago I convinced myself I didn't like ice cream. I think for the couple years that it lasted I only had ice cream a couple times. Somehow I was reunited with this sweet (and usually chocolaty) goodness. Around the same time I decided I didn't like ice cream I also decided I didn't cake. Eventually this turned into only bakery cakes. I still don't eat bakery cakes. They just don't appeal to me. Awhile back (I say awhile because I don't actually remember when It happened) I stopped eating eggs. Just recently I started eating eggs with cheese and sausage because it sounded good to me... and really, they taste good, so why did I even stop eating them in the first place. I still am skeptical about the mass produced eggs though. they come from a carton. They may be pasteurized, but I still don't care. I just made an omelet actually...with just cheese, so the taste of the eggs was still there. I liked it. Eggs and I are back together! my relationship with fish/shrimp has a similar story to that of the eggs, but I don't like it as much, and I don't like the strong tasting fishes.

some things that I have yet to get over:
mayonnaise, miracle whip, mushrooms, milk in a bag, tomato seeds, tofu, and sour cream.

some of those are just the stubbornness in me though...for example the milk in a bag...in my 4 years eating in MSU cafeterias I have never drank their milk. I am quite proud of it actually!

under no circumstances will I knowingly eat anything containing mayonnaise or miracle whip.

shrimp and ketchup go well together. the only three things ketchup is good for are hamburgers, hot dogs, and shrimp. fries deserve barbeque sauce.

I don't like cheap steak.

...this comes from my heart.

Beaker

My idea of sticking it to the man: A 50 mL beaker.... compliments of the Chemistry Department, only they don't know it. After 6 semesters of chemistry, I am done with Chem labs!!!

All I want for Christmas...

I was just thinking what I would like for Christmas. I really couldn't think of much. Sure, there are things that would be nice to have, but there are only very few things I need. I will probably not be getting any of them anytime soon anyways. Upgrades are nice, but when it comes down to it, the versions I have are sufficient. I don't really need a new mp3 player even if the one i have now only holds a few songs and only works half of the time. I don't need a brand new 7 megapixel digital camera when the 3 megapixel one I have lacks only the sound capability for video capturing. Sure it would be nice to have, but when it comes down to it, it's not a big deal. I could use a guitar, but I'm using Troy's until he decides he wants it back. What else? I was thinking about how cool it would be to have a nintendo ds or something similar, but I know that would only cause me to waste more time than I already do. A usb flash drive would be nice, but the 128mb one i have works well enough to suit my present needs. I really don't know what else I would want. Maybe a micro sd card for my phone. When I think about it though, I really don't need to turn my phone into a mp3 player. If i did that I would need some headphones too. I could use some books to read, but I have so many I have only half finished and even some that I haven't started reading. New clothes would be good, but anyone who knows me knows I am not the most fashonable person. Sadly I still wear clothes I wore in highschool. I rarely buy clothes for myslef. There are so many things money can't buy. I want those things. I can't think of anything else.

Optional exams: it’s a love/hate relationship really.

So, I went to my professor’s office hours today because she basically refused to send us our final report and exam grades from last week. One of the first things she said was that she was kind of disappointed in me and she thought that I understood this stuff. (She was talking about the exam grade). See, we have an open book part of the exam and a closed book part. I did great on the closed book part but I did horrible on the open book calculations part. Then she says that I am a terrific writer and that I can go far with that skill. And she says how useful it is to be able to write lab reports in the future. Basically I had no idea what to think at this point. I had gotten a 55 average on that disappointing exam and a 100% on that great research report. So where would that place me for grades? Well, higher than I had originally thought. She offers an optional final exam. It will take the place of our lowest exam and it is cumulative. I would need to get a 70% on it to raise my grade. If I get lower I am stuck with the lower grade. This scares me. My exam average in that class isn’t too high. I do not want to take the final. I won’t have any time to study for it. Do I risk it? I don’t think I will. I have till 5pm tomorrow to decide. In the back of my mind I wish I would have studied a little bit more for the exams in this class…at least as much time I put into all those stupid lab reports I did so well on. Maybe I do have a talent after all. Who would have though it would be writing boring scientific papers? I guess all of us can’t be well-rounded, ehh?

The Hat Theory, Giant Sperm, and NBC news

The hat theory.

People love to wear other people's hats for reasons I have not quite figured out yet. It seems as though there is always one hat that everyone wants to wear. It get's passed around, it's cool, and by the end of the night it turns out that the hat can be compared to a whore. You wear it till you get tired of it, then pass it on to the next person. That's what happens. That's what always happens. I have been known to be a victim of the hat passing. Maybe if just comes with my hat obsession, I don't know. Personally I like to wear hats a lot... and I tend to get attached to them, as in not wanting other people to wear them all the time. My hats are not whores. At least I don't want them to be. ok, enough of that....I still need to work on my theory. I am not mad, noet even the slightest bit annoyed...just to set the tone of the hat theory.

Giant Sperm.

yes, there was a giant super sperm man costume thingy at the bar last night. he was hitting on us, and it was very creepy.

Lesson to be learned: it is very hard to avoid sperm.

NBC news

on a separate note, NBC news came to my food chem lab yesterday and videotaped us and our professor.

http://www.wilx.com/ [click on trans fat ban on the right hand column under featured videos.] it's about trans fat...kinda boring, i know, but it's my life.

Lake

This weekend was the best one I've had in awhile. I went home for more than one day...it's been a long time since I've done that. I really needed it. Friday night I just hung out with my family. Saturday morning I went and picked blueberries with my mom then went back to bed when we got home. Grandma, Aunt Pat and Uncle Jeff came over for dinner then I went out to the lake and hung out with Kim and Chris for awhile. went out on the boat, learned how to fish, learned how to play flip cup, more people came over, hung out with the 40+ year old neighbors, took a midnight cruise on the lake with no lights... sweet boat that belonged to the neighbors, peed in a public park, behind a tree, built a sweet fire with chris, lit it with a lighter and mosquito repellant (= a homemade torch). Sunday I don't think I did much but be lazy and play simcity. This morning I went to the dentist, went shopping, then came back to lansing and went to class. good news from the dentist: no cavities! yay, friends make me happy! especially certain ones who make me smile.

work tomorrow...not excited

One fish, two fish...five fish

I bought them from Meijers tonight. They have a sweet waterbed right now. I have one name so far...Jefferson.

Fish!

The Move

I'm trying to think of a word that could describe these last few days, but the only good one I can think of is different.

Lets just say I studied all day last sunday and monday. Basicly, I was done with everything I had to study for on monday night (my three exams). I took my three exams and then I went to bed at 10:30 and slept for a really long time and really accomplished nothing on Tuesday until I went to work at 4. Wednesday I spent a few hours in the morning studying to my food science exam that day. As of 3:50 Wednesday, I am a Senior. How weird is that? I still don't believe it... Thursday morning I had to work at 6:30. Then we (cyndi, shawn, sam, kelly, and I) went to Potter Park Zoo. It was fun. Every zoo needs a water exhibit, a brush pile, and a wood pile. Thursday night we all went out to PF Changs for Payal's birthday. It was a pretty good restaurant. Friday I packed and helped Cyndi clean the room up, then Cyndi left and I won't see her for six months. Hopefully I can go to Kansas City sometime... Friday night I did security for Brody. A lot of waiting around, but they fed us pizza. Saturday morning I woke up and walked over to Brody to work. We cleaned all the rooms on the fourth floor of Rather so we could move into them. I think it will be pretty fun with Mel and Becca, Mike and Lauren (and more!). After work my parents came and helped me move all my stuff across campus, carrying it all down three flights of stairs because the freight elevators weren't working. We had to take two trips, but that's the couch's fault. My parents took me out to La Senorita and we had some good food. Then I came back and attempted to unpack all my stuff and organize it, but I just ended up watching a movie with mel and danae. Now I sit here in an unpacked room, and I have to go to church. see ya!

Ten

10 Reasons why I love being a Food Science major (or rather why I will miss FSC 325):

1. Exploring the sub-sub basement of anthony hall because thats where the refrigeration systems are.
2. Having class right across from the Dairy Store is quite convenient.
3. Making icecream in the Dairy Plant is considered a lab.
4. Eating the icecream we made is considered a class.
5. Eating sausage is the reward for getting up at 5:30am to go watch a hog slaughter.
6. We get to take fieldtrips to places like Koegel and Country Fresh.
7. We actually know all the secret things in hotdogs and have seen them being made.
8. We get to wear labcoats and hair nets every wednesday in the Dairy Plant.
9. We know that milk is pasteurized at 161° for 15 seconds.
10. It's all about food, everyone likes food.

Confidence

my confidence in myself increased a bit in the last hour or so, especially in the area of confidence in myself that i am actually smart. college is a good place to lose a lot of confidence in your level of general knowledge. some classes are impossible, and others just don't make sense. some, no matter how much you study, you get the same grades on exams. professors make you feel uneducated, and truthfully, some people are just too smart. nonetheless, i have come to the conclusion that i could be so much smarter if i actually put the effort into learning the material rather than cramming it all in my head the night before

first occurance: physics exam. i knew how to do 13 of the 15 problems. i could easily get a 80 percent on the exam when my other two have been right around 50%. i realized that if i actually paid attention in class instead of sleeping (which i had been doing for the last few weeks), i can understand it and not have to worry about it at the last minute. granted, i still had no clue how to do two of the problems, but my excitement level was so high that i really didn't care about figuring it out.

second occurance: today's final jeopardy question was "alphabetically, what are the first two state capitals named after US presidents?" jackson and Jefferson city. now i've always been pretty good at geography (heck, who else brings an atlas on spring break when i'm not driving just to know where we were?), but i've never been good at the president thing, yeah, i can name most of them, but truthfully i have no clue when some of these guys were president...in this case, it didn't really matter about the chronological order, but in the case the question asked " cronologically, name the first two state capitals named after us presidents," i would have had no idea how to answer...jackson, jefferson, lincoln, madison...no idea.

my point is, i could be so much smarter if i actually put the time into it. i never study and i put off my homework till the last minute, so when it comes time for two exams and a lab notebook due all within two days, i have 3 weeks of physics notes to study, 4 weeks of microbiology notes to study, and 5 weeks of microbiology lab writeups to do. so, since sunday night i have been mostly doing the lab writeups, which take forever, and studying. i didn't really sleep, and i even forgot to eat once or twice. i put myself through hell for three days when instead i could just write the lab writeups shortly after lab and do better on them because i actually can remember what we did in lab, i could take notes in class instead of sleep, or i could do my physics capa for myself, not just use the answers on capa to do my problems.

i'm gonna try to do that...

Purses

I used to carry a purse back in high school, back when we couldn't bring our backpacks to class. I would stuff my pens and pencils in there along with a few dollars in case I wanted food. Then there's the random stuff I had in there like a hotwheels car or something to play with in class. I don't remember when I stopped carrying a purse, but I can't remember carrying one around senior year. If I had a purse now, it would have the most random stuff in it, probably most of the contents of the front pocket of my backpack. I don't carry a purse though, and I think that's why I always forget to bring a pen to class. I don't bring my backpack to class most of the time, just a single piece of notebook paper or my lab notebook. I get to class and hope there's a pen in my coat or something. Either there would be a large amount of pens in the pocket or there would be none. I have to hope there's a pen in there, or else I won't take notes. Occasionally there's only a highlighter in there, and it must entertain people to watch me take notes in highlighter. I have gotten into that routine. I always keep my wallet in my back right pocket and my keys in my front right. When I have my cell phone, it goes in the back left pocket. That's how it's been for two years or so. The question now would be: could I handle carrying around a purse everywhere I went? I really don't think I could do it. I mean, if I'm wearing pants, I can hold everything I need in them. It just seems like the simplest solution to me. Of course, if I ever failed to wear pants, I would carry a purse... or I would wear a loincloth with pockets!