Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I'm not too sure. My question is, how do I love? It's not something you can teach, it's something you have to figure out for yourself. Everybody loves a little different. It has always been hard for me to love people, even the people closest to me. Actually, especially the people closest to me. I guess it comes down to my lack of interest in learning how to love, not an inability to love. Maybe I am loving and don't realize it. Maybe showing love and actually loving are two different things. Sometimes I wish there were simple answers, maybe a way to gain a skill without having to go through that learning and practicing phase.
One of my dreams is to have a husband and kids one day. That requires love. You know when you ask God for something and he doesn't really say yes or no? It's more of a 'wait and see.' It's in those cases where you have to figure out why he said wait. Am I not ready for it? Is someone else not ready for it? What do I need to learn?
I need to learn how to love people. How would I be able to love a potential family if I can't even love the people I see most often right now? And maybe after all of that the 'wait' will turn into a 'no.' Maybe (and hopefully) a 'yes.'
And that is why I rarely say "I love you."
